Many of my posts will be on ministry specific stuff, focusing on youth ministry. I have spent the last 7 years working in jr. high and high school ministry and will be sharing some of my expertise with you. This next blog is dedicated to parents (mostly dad's) of high school boys and hopefully it will be beneficial!
5 Ways Dads Set Their Son's Up For Failure
over the past 3 years of full time ministry I have worked with many students from many different family backgrounds....some great, some not so great....I firmly believe that dad's play a huge role in shaping their sons lives and here are 5 things that dad can do which are detrimental to their son's love for Christ and walk with the Lord!
1. Be Disengaged
Dad's, if you want your child to fail, its easy just disengage yourself from your family. Come home from work, read the paper, watch TV, and go to bed. Don't ask your son how his day went, don't ask him what his concerns or fears are "he's a man, he'll figure it out", under no circumstance talk about girls, and let your wife and the church handle his walk with Christ. Sounds like a great plan!
2. Don't Love Your Wife Well
Nobody has more of an influence on how your son views marriage and women than you do. Are you modeling what it looks like to be a Godly husband? Do you love your wife with the same love that Christ has for the church? Are you kind in how you talk to her? Do you let her know of her beauty and value. Your sons will definitely pick up on this behavior and will shape their view of women, sex, and marraige.
3. Focus On Output, Not Input
If you want to guarantee that your son will resent you, devote all of your attention to what they do rather than how they are doing! Relive your glory years through their athletics, let them know your love is conditional on their GPA, make them earn your love. Don't study God's word with them, don't pray with them, don't model Christ's unconditional love, and you can guarantee failure for your son!
4. Allow Them Uncensored Internet Access In Their Bedroom
Pornography is not an issue, it is THE issue. And if you allow your high school son to have uncensored internet access you are handing him a lifelong pornography issue that will devour him, destroy his marriage, rob him of joy, and keep him in chains for the rest of his life! And it's sad that I have to address this issue, I have counseled dozens of young men struggling with pornography and all had private access to internet...bad idea!
(Note: http://www.internetsafety.com/ is the best product on the market for internet blocking and accountability and is worth the price of the subscription)
"Pornography is not an issue, it is THE issue."
5. Don't Model Genuine Repentance
I believe that this is the single most overlooked aspect of parenting that is toxic to both high school guys and girls relationships to their parents. Do you model genuine repentance to your children? Do you apologize and ask for their forgiveness when you sin against them? Or does your pride cause you to have the attitude of "I am the adult, deal with it"? Do you explain to your son that you are a sinner in need of a savior and you are reliant of God's grace in your life? Or are you the functional god of your home, ruling with an iron fist, without grace and repentance?
If you want your sons to understand and embrace Jesus Christ, show them how! Model a sincere and genuine love for Jesus and help them on their walk, don't make them see Jesus despite you.
"soft words create hard people and hard words create soft people" - James Macdonald
Pastor Cal
Cal,
ReplyDeleteExcellent post. Good advice to young Dads and even Grandads with toddler grandsons.