5 Ways Daddy's Can Protect Their Daughters

This is Part 2 in our series on some of the lessons I have learned as a youth pastor in regards to the huge role dad's play in the life of their high school students.  This week we are going to focus on the big 5 ways that dad's can protect their daughters leading up to and through their teenage years.




1. Love Your Wife With Excellence


Dad's, when you are love your wife intentionally, sacrificially, joyfully, and practically, you are winning your daughter's heart in the process.  When you are kind, patient, gracious, affectionate, and tender with your wife on a consistent basis you are not only building your daughter's trust and faith in you, but you are also setting a standard in your daughter's heart and mind on what she will look for in her husband someday.  If you love your wife well you are protecting your daughter from future heartbreak, if you don't love your wife well, you are actively lowering your daughter's standards for the type of guy she will fall for.  This is a huge deal!

"when you are love your wife intentionally, sacrificially, joyfully, and practically, you are winning your daughter's heart in the process"


2. Pursue Your Daughter's Affections


When I first started dating Mary it became instantly clear to me that her daddy was the number one man in her life.  This was the case not because her dad imposed his will on her or because she feared her dad but because his kindness and love towards her had won over her affections.  


Are daddy-daughter dates a priority on the calendar? Does your daughter know she is loved and that she is her daddy's princess?  Do you verbally affirm your daughter?  Are you affectionate to your daughter? - I cannot begin to explain to you the difference it makes in young women's lives when they know, love, and trust their fathers.  This doesn't happen on accident but through the intentional pursuit of your daughters affections.  Make it a priority!


3. Win The Media War


Jr. High and Sr. High girls are social beyond anything I can even begin to grasp!  And because of that it is vital that you win the media war!  Winning this battle includes monitoring texts, internet, Instant Messenger, and Facebook.  As a rule, internet chat rooms are a really bad idea! 


It is also vital that you sit down and explain to your daughter that this is not an issue of trust, but an issue of you loving and protecting your daughter from real danger.  I have seen too many cases of nice, sweet, and trusting girls be taken advantage of through media.  You cannot be soft on this!


4. Be The Adult


I read this quote and absolutely loved it "you cannot be your daughter's protector while simultaneously being her suitors best friend."  You get and need to set the standards when it comes to dating.  Talk to your daughter often about her boyfriend and what is going on in the relationship.  Sit the guy down and lay out the law...I have found if you have this conversation while holding a gun it goes better for you!  


In all seriousness, it is a mistake to assume the best and not address the physical side of your daughters relationship.  Fight for her purity and be the adult!  By the way, this will be must easier to do if you are doing points 1 and 2 really well.  You need to prove to your daughter you love her and are on her side!


5. Model Genuine Repentance


I firmly believe this is the most overlooked aspect of parenting and failure of parents to model repentance to their children are devastating.  Just because you are a dad doesn't mean you are no longer a sinner and wont mess up.  Be honest about it, repent to you daughter when you sin against her and point her to the fact that you are a sinner saved by grace and you are reliant on Jesus everyday.  Model your relationship with Christ in real, practical ways and your daughter will run to her Heavenly Father because her earthly father, who she loves has been faithful to point her to Jesus!


Being a parent, like everything else is not about you, its all about Jesus!

5 Ways Dads Set Their Sons Up For Failure

I'm back in the blogging game!

Many of my posts will be on ministry specific stuff, focusing on youth ministry.  I have spent the last 7 years working in jr. high and high school ministry and will be sharing some of my expertise with you.  This next blog is dedicated to parents (mostly dad's) of high school boys and hopefully it will be beneficial!

5 Ways Dads Set Their Son's Up For Failure

over the past 3 years of full time ministry I have worked with many students from many different family backgrounds....some great, some not so great....I firmly believe that dad's play a huge role in shaping their sons lives and here are 5 things that dad can do which are detrimental to their son's love for Christ and walk with the Lord!


1. Be Disengaged 


Dad's, if you want your child to fail, its easy just disengage yourself from your family.  Come home from work, read the paper, watch TV, and go to bed.  Don't ask your son how his day went, don't ask him what his concerns or fears are "he's a man, he'll figure it out", under no circumstance talk about girls, and let your wife and the church handle his walk with Christ.  Sounds like a great plan!


2. Don't Love Your Wife Well

Nobody has more of an influence on how your son views marriage and women than you do.  Are you modeling what it looks like to be a Godly husband?  Do you love your wife with the same love that Christ has for the church?  Are you kind in how you talk to her?  Do you let her know of her beauty and value.  Your sons will definitely pick up on this behavior and will shape their view of women, sex, and marraige.

3. Focus On Output, Not Input

If you want to guarantee that your son will resent you, devote all of your attention to what they do rather than how they are doing!  Relive your glory years through their athletics, let them know your love is conditional on their GPA, make them earn your love.  Don't study God's word with them, don't pray with them, don't model Christ's unconditional love, and you can guarantee failure for your son!

4. Allow Them Uncensored Internet Access In Their Bedroom

Pornography is not an issue, it is THE issue.  And if you allow your high school son to have uncensored internet access you are handing him a lifelong pornography issue that will devour him, destroy his marriage, rob him of joy, and keep him in chains for the rest of his life!  And it's sad that I have to address this issue, I have counseled dozens of young men struggling with pornography and all had private access to internet...bad idea! 

(Note: http://www.internetsafety.com/ is the best product on the market for internet blocking and accountability and is worth the price of the subscription)

"Pornography is not an issue, it is THE issue."

5. Don't Model Genuine Repentance

I believe that this is the single most overlooked aspect of parenting that is toxic to both high school guys and girls relationships to their parents.  Do you model genuine repentance to your children?  Do you apologize and ask for their forgiveness when you sin against them?  Or does your pride cause you to have the attitude of "I am the adult, deal with it"?  Do you explain to your son that you are a sinner in need of a savior and you are reliant of God's grace in your life?  Or are you the functional god of your home, ruling with an iron fist, without grace and repentance?

If you want your sons to understand and embrace Jesus Christ, show them how!  Model a sincere and genuine love for Jesus and help them on their walk, don't make them see Jesus despite you.

"soft words create hard people and hard words create soft people" - James Macdonald

Pastor Cal

Voting Season vs. Egg in the Face

My Feeling Exactly.

I love discussing politics (especially with people in the church) about as much as I love being pelted in the face with an Egg

To be fair, any guy with hair that long is asking for an egg to the face...I hear egg yoke is a great natural moisturizer!

In all seriousness though, as we enter in to elections once again this November sometimes I feel barraged by cheezy television adds, political candidates with awful haircuts, and angry people who are not shy about spewing hatred for one party while worshipping another.

Here is my "Reader's Digest Version" guide to thinking about voting and politics

1. I dont think you can Biblically mandate voting.

Nowhere is scripture will you read "though shall vote, and vote Republican." Is voting wrong? Absolutely not! I have met tons of great people who care passionately about politics and exercise their civil right to vote. Politics are not my thing, but they may be yours and I think its great if that is the case. However, as I study the life of Christ it seems he was way more concerned about building the kingdom of God than the nation of Israel. In the same way, Paul was way more concerned about the church and what God was doing on earth than he was about Cesar. All of this to say, I think its important to check our hearts and make sure we are more excited about the Gospel and what God amongst his people than anything else we are passionate about.

2. If You Don't Vote, Don't Complain!

This is pretty self explanatory, but people who remove themselves from the voting process don't have the grounds to complain about the condition of our town/state/country. That would be like choosing not to take a test and complain about your bad grades!

3. We Should Love What God Loves.


When thinking about politics it is important that we remember passages like:

James 1:27: "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction"

Luke 10:27: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself."

Micah 6:8: "He has told you, O man, what is good; ad what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God"

This is one of many passages of scripture that needs to run through our framework when deciding what political candidate to support. We need to ask tough questions to ourselves about whether or not supporting a person or party is consistent with the Biblical principles we believe in. Just like any other aspect of our lives, we cannot separate politics with what God has called us to. We need to love what God loves and use the political arena to be a light to our communities.

Practically this has worked out in my life in that I am neither Republican or Democratic, but I cant justify voting for someone who supports the murdering of babies...take that for what you want.

4.Remember, God is in Supreme Control of the Outcome.

I will leave you with Proverbs 21:1: "The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will."

Politics often causes us to lose the forest amongst the trees, Don't forget that God is in control of all things and is completely sovereign over all...including political races

You Are Loved!