Why "Because the Bible Says So" is Lazy

I love God's Word (The Bible)!  I believe that it is true, that is has authority, that it has stood the test of time, and that one of the greatest acts of love in world history was God loving us enough to give us instruction that has been protected and preserved over centuries to bless and guide the church.

However, the Bible is not a math book, so we should stop treating it like one!  Here is what I mean:

In math 2 + 2 = 4.  The reason reason this is the case is because well...2 + 2 = 4.  It is known fact, it doesn't need to defend itself, it is what it is.

Here is where the tension occurs, many people try to govern morality using the Bible as a math book making this argument: "you should or shouldn't do something because thats what the Bible says."  That line of reasoning isn't wrong...but it is lazy and incomplete.

The truth is that the Bible was never intended to be a rule book providing lists of arbitrary laws that people must follow.  Instead, scripture is the true story of how God loved his people so much that in spite of their evil and rebellion he provided them with salvation.  Are there parts of the Bible that give specific instruction on how to live? Absolutely!  But they are there with a purpose and are given to us because God loves us and wants us to display wisdom, love one another, be safe, and ultimately become more like his son Jesus bringing Him glory!

That being said there is a better way to give instruction from scripture than "the Bible says so" method and here is what it looks like:


Example 1: High school boy admits to drinking and partying

Response 1 - "Stop partying because you are not old enough and the Bible says don't get drunk." (law-driven, lazy response)

Response 2 "The reason you shouldn't be engaging in those activities is because as a follower of Jesus who God has loved and saved, we have the ability and responsibility to model Jesus to others.
The reason we are told to flee drunkenness in the Bible is because drunkenness is both addictive, meaning it is easy for alcohol to replace Jesus in our hearts and we end up worshipping alcohol, but also drunkenness causes us to make decisions and act in a way that does not represent Jesus well and can lead us to make decisions that we will regret for the rest of our lives.

Drunkenness is a self-centered desire to feel a certain way, because Jesus loved use and and gave his life for us we should no longer be motivated by selfish desires but live in a way that model's Christ's love and grace to others, that will not happen when we are drunk!  You have been forgiven, and loved by God, therefore Jesus needs to be at the center of your decision making process, not abuse of alcohol!" (gospel driven response)

Example 2: Young woman (believer) enters a into a relationship with a man who is not a Christian.

Response 1: You need to break up with him because the Bible says you have to marry a Christian (law-driven, lazy response")

Response 2: "As a child of God, you are loved by God in a way that is impossible to even comprehend.  God has called you his daughter, has chosen you, pursued you, and made a way for you to be saved.  God also, because he loves you and you are his daughter, He cares deeply about who you marry.  Marriage was given to us by God to represent our relationship to Christ!  That is why the church is often referred as the bride of Christ in the New Testament.

The reason we are told not to marry non believers in scripture is not because God is a control freak, but because he loves you and wants to protect you.  As a believer in Christ, you are no longer ruled by sin and driven by selfishness, but now you have the desire to honor and glorify Christ by how you live.  The guy your dating doesn't share those desires, and without Christ he will continue to be motivated by selfish desires, he will not love and lead you in a way that models Jesus, he will not help you grow in your relationship with God, and he will pressure you to cross lines that you are uncomfortable with.  This will lead to sorrow, regret, and eventually loneliness, even though you are in a relationship!

God wants to protect you from this and now you can use this time to build your reliance on God  as you wait for God to provide a man for you to marry who will love you in a way that models God's perfect love for you." (gospel driven response)

In conclusion, it is the gospel and God's love for us that is the motivation for change and repentance (Rom. 2:4).  When we lean on the Bible as only the law or rules that we have to live by and we don't take the time to explain grace, and how the gospel changes everything, we are not necessarily wrong...but we are lazy and incomplete in our instruction.

I Said Goodbye to a Dear Friend Saturday Night

Last Saturday was an emotional evening for me.  I said goodbye to a dear friend, a friend who walked closely with me throughout the end of high school, all through college, was with me at my wedding, moved with me to Florida, moved back to Michigan with me, and was even there with me on the night Mary gave birth to our baby girls.  

I said goodbye to a friend whom I have shared my greatest victories and triumphs with, who has comforted me at my low points, and who has struggled with me when I have doubted and had tough questions with no answers.

Last Saturday night I said goodbye to the David Crowder Band at the Orbit Room in Grand Rapids.  The DCB has undoubtedly been the most important band in my life and I was one of many who felt wounded a few months ago when they announced they would be done as of next year.  

Much ink has been spilled on how the DCB has revolutionized worship music with their unique sound, look, and energy.  There is nothing I can say about that stuff that hasn't already been said much more fully than I am capable of.

However, I want to share the answer to the questions we ask when we lose or say goodbye to anyone we love:  What did I appreciate most about the DCB? And where do I go from here?

As I have reflected on what drew me to the DCB, more than music or sound what I appreciated about them as a band is that in a time where much Christian music is very shallow, self focused, and shy's away from difficult issues, Crowder embraced and examined the valleys and the dark areas we enter in our faith.  Doubt, frustration, fear, and even depression were laid out in their music and were not hidden from their listeners.  the DCB understood that the Christian life is not only mountain top experiences and rose pedals but that pain, suffering, and loneliness are real and our only hope in life's valleys is the message of the gospel.  That message and the transparency of the DCB is what drew me to them and it will be my lasting impression of them, and for that I am thankful.

So what's next?

I found it interesting that the DCB chose to tour with both Gungor and Chris August.  Both bands, specifically Gungor in many ways will have to carry weight of taking the torch from DCB.  Both bands were great and it was encouraging that there are new artists who are making beautiful, thoughtful, and inventive worship music.  Christian music needs bands like these that will push boundaries.

So while it was hard to say goodbye Saturday night, there is hope for the future, already excited to see Gungor play at Calvin College this spring!

Atheist Conventions, Hate Groups, and Hypocritical Christians

This morning I received an article from a friend who routinely emails me when he has read something that has challenged him or something that he thought may be helpful for fellow Christians to read.  In, fact he has helped contribute many articles to our church blog, you can check that out here, tons of great resources!


Anyways, the title of the article he sent me was "Waiting for Lightning to strike: A Wobbly Agnostic among the Atheists" by Carolyn Briggs.  It is the story of a woman who finds out the national Atheist convention is in her town and out of curiosity she goes.  This woman is not an outspoken atheist, she knows the Bible, and is a self described agnostic and this article details her internal struggle while at this convention.


 You can read it here.  (read this or I probably wont make a ton of sense to you)


First let me say this was a beautifully written article, I was fully engaged with the struggle of the author and was captivated from the first sentence through the conclusion.  And to be honest I have wrestled and struggled with this article all day and I am hoping my mind will be eased after writing my thoughts/response to this article.


Hypocritical Christians 


People in general are awful at accepting truthful criticism from opponents.  We try our best to discredit, bully, and ostracize apposing view points so harshly reaching desperately for the imaginary eraser to permanently brush away any truth that our opponents possess from our minds and the minds of those paying attention.


As I read the criticisms of christianity from the mouths of atheists in this article (there was quite a bit to choose from) some of it is spot on and we have to own that....let that settle for a moment....we have to own the fact that our actions and the actions of "professing Christians" have caused some to hate God and Jesus.


Here are a few quotes from the article that emphasize this:


"I too... hate the way Jerry Falwell blamed atheists and homosexuals for 9/11." - I agree with this statement.  On the issue of homosexuality, there will always be a tension between the homosexual community and God's Word.  However in many cases Christians have poured gasoline on this tension by posturing themselves as jerks (a stronger word is probably more fitting here).  We have not loved these people and represented Christ well at all.  This has been for some reason made the taboo sin and we need to own our shortcomings in how we have loved and treated the gay community.


"I want to deck some of the pastors I’ve seen on cable TV." - same here!  There are so many churches and famous preachers who have so far slid from the gospel that it makes me physically angry to watch MOST televangelists/preachers... Mary doesn't let me do it anymore!


Quote by the author from Ghandi "I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians. They are not very like your Christ.”


To varying degrees all of these statements are true and instead of becoming defensive Christians need to humbly examine where in our lives we living inconsistently with the gospel and with Jesus.  The hope of the gospel is that we are sinners who have and will continue to fail but through Christ have been forgiven, been made new, and shown grace by God!  Unfortunately however,  it is not our humility, love and grace which we are known for.


Atheist Conventions and Hate Groups


As I read Briggs's description of the event she attended, I found myself confused about what was being accomplished with this convention.  What was the point of atheists gathering together to affirm their atheism?  It even seemed like their own mission statement and reason for gathering was inconsistent and confused.  Again let me explain with quotes from people at the convention


"People go to church because they have social needs. Atheists are no different. Fellowship is not a religious word; it’s a human word."


“Our battle is against religion, not believers. They are sincere people who have been brainwashed since birth,”


“There are 435 members of Congress and almost all of them are our enemies.”


  So on one hand the reason for the convention is to meet social needs, on the other hand it is to fight a battle with religion, but not religious people, and finally it is to battle religious people in congress!  All of these statements seem conflicting.  I think this is a broader issue atheism faces in the fact that it has no real endgame, there is no real reason for atheists to gather together like for example a group of Christians who meet to worship God, learn God's Word, and equip ourselves to follow Christ's call to make disciples.  The DNA of atheism will make it unfocused and inconsistent in its mission!


What struck me most interesting/disturbing is that Briggs's description of this convention made it sound eerily similar to a rally put on by a hate group.  


Some quotes to this point:


 “We affirm life,” he writes. “We are not cramped and distorted by the pathetic need to adulate"
“Religion is weak. It cannot stand on its own. The invisible man in the sky has become weaker and weaker,”
“Anger can misfire badly. When we express anger, we get angrier,” she says. “But anger is the chief reason we know something is not okay; it motivates us to do something about it.” 
“If we could take the brainpower of this room and pool it, it would be fantastic.”
"Flush out the hypocrites."
 “The rapture: You know it’s nonsense. 2000 years of any day now.” 
“That’s why we know more than they do. You need to tell your Christian friends to read the Bible. Reading the Bible makes atheists. Christian education makes atheists"


Make no mistake, this convention and this ideology is fueled and driven by genuine anger and hate towards God, The Bible, Jesus, and Christians.  This article sheds light on the reality that atheists are not as loving, gracious, open-minded, and accepting as they have marketed themselves to be.


Final Reflections


So as a young pastor I walk away from this article with a few thoughts/convictions:


1. Why the hate? - If the atheists are right and evolution is true and God/religion is a made up refuge for the weak.  Evolutionary law says we will eventually die off and take care of ourselves because we are the weaker of the species...Why the hate?  What is it accomplishing?


2.  I want to be about Jesus! - I believe that the Biblical account of Jesus is completely true and because of that he is the greatest news in human history.  I don't want to be about anything else other than my Savior.  I want to love like he loved, I want to be gracious like he was gracious, I want to be patient like he was patient, and I want to speak truth in boldness like he spoke the truth boldly!


3.  I want Harvest Spring Lake to be about Jesus! - If our church ever becomes anything other than being about loving and making much of our Savior, Jesus Christ,  than we have become unfaithful to our calling and have grieved God.  I don't want to be about conservative politics, family values, tradition, or religion, ...There is no life in any of that stuff!  Only in Christ are we given the power, grace, and motivation to live lives that glorify and please God!


4.  My heart breaks for lost people! - It's hard not to be sad when you read about people openly shaking their fists at God knowing their eternity is sealed unless God miraculously moves in their heart.  I don't ever want to be numb to that reality...as our love for Jesus grows our love, hurt, and desperation for the lost needs to be growing also.


I know that was a lot...sorry for downloading so much, but my heart was heavy and I am thankful for this outlet and hope it will have some kingdom value as well!

Free from Wrath, Free to Live Graciously

This past Sunday night at youth group we encountered the story of Cain and Abel in Genesis 4.  As I studied this passage I was blown away by how quickly sin was polluting and destroying the earth God had created and how quickly it was accelerating in the heart of man!  But even more than the devastation of sin, the story of Cain and Abel is a remarkable insight into God's fierce grace towards people who are completely undeserving.

The Crime vs. The Punishment


After having his sacrifice rejected by God, Cain fell into the depths of depression (Gen 4:5)  God lovingly approached Cain and warned him regarding the road he was traveling down internally, Cain ignored God and killed his brother Abel in a jealous rage.  This was the first murder in the history of humanity and God had a choice:  He could have given Cain the penalty that fit the crime and struck him down at that moment.  This would have set a strong precedent for anyone who would think to commit murder again knowing that God was watching and would punish murder swiftly, strongly, and completely.

But God chose grace!

God did punish Cain, making him a wanderer and an outcast, also taking away his profession by cursing him not allowing the ground to yield him food.  But when God could have justly killed, He was gracious with Cain, God spared his life, gave him a mark of protection, and modeled the patience and grace that would be later so evident in Jesus Christ.

We Find Ourselves in the Story


We, like Cain find ourselves standing guilty before God staring a punishment of death in the face.  We, like Cain are totally dependent on God's grace for forgiveness, life, and hope.  And we, like Cain have not been given what we deserve because God, through Jesus Christ has bestowed fierce, powerful, white-hot grace on us.  Through Jesus we do not face wrath but we have been graciously given life.  I Thessalonians says it best:

"For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ"


The story of the gospel is that we are Cain!  And God has been abundantly gracious to us by allowing His own son to bear the penalty of our sin, making us clean, forgiven, and redeemed!


The 2 Million Dollar Question


What is your response to God's grace?  Have you responded to God's grace?  Is this a truth that merely lives in your head or is it a motivating, life giving reality that is the lens on which you view life?


Grace-given people are Grace-driven people!


The grace we have been given in Christ is the single greatest thing to happen to anyone at any point in human history!  This is not something that was given so we could take advantage of it, hide it, or store it away, but God's grace needs to motivate us to be the most gracious people we possibly can be.


The gospel frees us from having to be the star of our own lives, so when we are sinned against, hurt, or taken advantaged of, we have the freedom forgive and magnify God's grace towards us by our love and kindness towards others.  We don't have to get even, we don't have to defend ourselves, we don't have to  hold grudges, but we are free to live in a way that magnifies the grace of our savior and to embrace the joy and freedom found in him.  


The gospel does not deliver us from hurt or pain caused by others, but it does free from holding onto that hurt and pain.  So often we remove joy from our lives when we are consumed by what others have done to us when it can never compare to what Jesus has done for us!

Free from Perfectionism, Free to Live with Confidence

Perfectionism devastates.  I believe that perfectionism is one of the silent sins that wages war on people and destroys and yet perfectionism is rarely ever talked about or discussed.  Perfectionism attacks every kind of person and there isn't an area in life that can be protected from the desire to appear perfect.  From physical appearance, to GPA, to Athletics, to your family, to video games, music, hobbies, children, your home, cooking, career, ect.  Every aspect of life is susceptible to the sin of perfectionism.

The scary thing is that often times we don't see perfectionism as harmful or wrong but we even celebrate it in our own lives, we mask it with "i just really want to do my best", "I can be better", "Why do anything half-hearted".  We believe that perfectionism is a private issue with how we view ourselves, when really the issue is that we don't want to appear as less than perfect to others.  Perfectionism is a sin of wanting to be perceived perfectly by others, not a private issue that is isolated to ourselves.

Perfectionism sucks the joy out of your life and drives you to despair.  When I was a sophomore in college I bought the newest FIFA soccer video game...and I was good...really good.  I found that I could beat anyone at it and I wanted to be ranked highly in the game worldwide.  So I played and played and played to the point where I was in the top 10 in the US and top 50 in the world.  I wanted to be number 1 so bad!  And what happened was it sucked all my free time away, when I wasn't playing I was thinking about the ground I was losing, I became furious when I lost, and it sucked all of the joy out of the game.  One afternoon I simply threw the game away because I hated it and I hated myself from getting trapped by it.

The gospel frees us from perfectionism!  The gospel says that we are sinners (Romans 3:23), we all have blemishes, we cannot achieve perfection on our own!  Perfectionism says "you can be God" the gospel says "you need a savior!"

The awesome part is that we do have a savior his name is Jesus and he is our perfection.  Jesus was perfect (2 Cor 5:21) and because of what he did on the cross we are made perfect in God's eyes!  Even more, the Bible says that through our weakness Christ is made strong in us (2 Cor 12:9).

Here is the good news, we don't have to be perfect and when we fail, fall short, and disappoint we can glorify in our savior who is our perfection and is working through us.  This allows us to live boldly and take risks because at the end of the day its not about us and how others perceive us, it is about Jesus!

The gospel frees us from perfectionism and allows us to live with boldness and confidence resting in what Jesus has already accomplished on our behalf!

Free From Guilt....Free To Begin Again (Part 1)

One of the greatest deterrents from us embracing the gospel and having victory in our lives is guilt!  

Dave Hulings, the head coach at WMC (where I assistant coach) blew my mind yesterday when he made this statement:  "Satan always gives me 2 lies, the first is that God doesn't care about my sin, and the second is that God hates sin so much that he would never want me back."

So often we find ourselves trapped in believing the second lie.  Satan loves to remind us of our failures, our sin, and our inability to measure up to God's holiness.  Satan whispers in our ear "how could God love you?  You are dirty and weak and don't deserve God's love"  This guilt that we carry usually leads to 2 courses of action, neither good options...

1.  Our guilt causes us to despair in our condition and drive us further into sin.  We hate ourselves, become depressed, believe that we are not loved or sought after, which causes us to plunge deeper and deeper into the sin we hate!  I have had multiple young men so depressed by their sin that it has caused them to contemplate suicide.  This is what Satan wants, to destroy us!

2.  We try to merit back God's favor.  We believe if we clean up enough on the outside we can fool God into thinking we are clean.  This attitude breeds legalism, we love rules that we can follow to "prove our worth" and we also love reveling in others failures to shift the focus off of ourselves.  We become unloving, harsh, bitter, and miserable as we seek to earn God's love and approval through deeds, masking a spiritual hopelessness we feel.

What Does The Gospel Say About This?

The gospel says that we are absolutely sinners and that there is no way we can measure up to God's holiness (Rom 3:23).  But here is the awesome news: Christ has measured up for us! (2 Cor 5:21, Jn 3:16)  And what's so amazing is that through what Jesus has done for us on the cross, we actually receive Christ's righteousness and are made PERFECTLY CLEAN in the eyes of God! (2 Cor. 5:21)  

On the cross Jesus paid the full penalty of our sin and we have been purchased by Jesus no longer under the authority of sin and guilt.  The sin we commit today, tomorrow, next week does grieve God, hurt relationships, and harms our testimony, but it can never separate us from God's Love! (Rom. 8:39)  If it could, than Christ wasn't victorious.  Satan wants you to believe sin and death won the day but we know that on the 3rd day Jesus rose victorious!

Finally, the gospel says we have been made new and clean in Jesus! (2 Cor. 5:17) Our sin is gone, we have no need to feel guilt, but we are free from this point forward to embrace the forgiveness found in Christ and move forward serving, loving, and walking with him!  That is the hope of the gospel that Jesus completely removes our guilt and allows to continually begin again!

Free From and Free To Series

Over the next coming weeks I am going to be sharing a blogging series based on the gospel and what Jesus as freed us from and what he has freed us to!  

My heart behind this subject is that I believe at the heart of all sin is a failure to believe the gospel and put our hope and trust solely in Jesus.  I council with many young men and high school students and what I have seen is that failure to believe the gospel effects relationships, how we view ourselves, our joy, our prayer and devotional life, our hope, and our faith!  

My hope is that in this study will clearly and practically outline what Christ has accomplished for us, freed us from and empowered us to achieve!

Also....I will probably turn this into a sermon series someday so you all get to be my test dummies!

Dear followers...

Hi everyone, there will be 1 or 2 more blog posts coming next week, in the meantime, let me point your attention to the HBC Spring Lake Blog.  This is a great resource the pastors have been working on for a few months designed to help give a resource library to and for you!  We hope is a help and blessing to you.  Take some time to check it out....we already have over 80 articles posted with more to follow!


have a great weekend


Cal

High School Retreat This Weekend

Harvest Bible Chapel Spring Lake has their first ever high school retreat this weekend!  We have got a great group of students getting ready to have a great time!  Here is what is on the agenda:

1. Hopefully great weather!

2. Great fellowship and fun!

3. Good Food!

4. Worshipping God through His word, music, and art!

5. Focused and intentional quiet time with the Lord!

6. Praying for students to be confronted with Jesus and that big decisions for Christ would be made this weekend!

I am looking forward to giving an update next week.

5 Ways Daddy's Can Protect Their Daughters

This is Part 2 in our series on some of the lessons I have learned as a youth pastor in regards to the huge role dad's play in the life of their high school students.  This week we are going to focus on the big 5 ways that dad's can protect their daughters leading up to and through their teenage years.




1. Love Your Wife With Excellence


Dad's, when you are love your wife intentionally, sacrificially, joyfully, and practically, you are winning your daughter's heart in the process.  When you are kind, patient, gracious, affectionate, and tender with your wife on a consistent basis you are not only building your daughter's trust and faith in you, but you are also setting a standard in your daughter's heart and mind on what she will look for in her husband someday.  If you love your wife well you are protecting your daughter from future heartbreak, if you don't love your wife well, you are actively lowering your daughter's standards for the type of guy she will fall for.  This is a huge deal!

"when you are love your wife intentionally, sacrificially, joyfully, and practically, you are winning your daughter's heart in the process"


2. Pursue Your Daughter's Affections


When I first started dating Mary it became instantly clear to me that her daddy was the number one man in her life.  This was the case not because her dad imposed his will on her or because she feared her dad but because his kindness and love towards her had won over her affections.  


Are daddy-daughter dates a priority on the calendar? Does your daughter know she is loved and that she is her daddy's princess?  Do you verbally affirm your daughter?  Are you affectionate to your daughter? - I cannot begin to explain to you the difference it makes in young women's lives when they know, love, and trust their fathers.  This doesn't happen on accident but through the intentional pursuit of your daughters affections.  Make it a priority!


3. Win The Media War


Jr. High and Sr. High girls are social beyond anything I can even begin to grasp!  And because of that it is vital that you win the media war!  Winning this battle includes monitoring texts, internet, Instant Messenger, and Facebook.  As a rule, internet chat rooms are a really bad idea! 


It is also vital that you sit down and explain to your daughter that this is not an issue of trust, but an issue of you loving and protecting your daughter from real danger.  I have seen too many cases of nice, sweet, and trusting girls be taken advantage of through media.  You cannot be soft on this!


4. Be The Adult


I read this quote and absolutely loved it "you cannot be your daughter's protector while simultaneously being her suitors best friend."  You get and need to set the standards when it comes to dating.  Talk to your daughter often about her boyfriend and what is going on in the relationship.  Sit the guy down and lay out the law...I have found if you have this conversation while holding a gun it goes better for you!  


In all seriousness, it is a mistake to assume the best and not address the physical side of your daughters relationship.  Fight for her purity and be the adult!  By the way, this will be must easier to do if you are doing points 1 and 2 really well.  You need to prove to your daughter you love her and are on her side!


5. Model Genuine Repentance


I firmly believe this is the most overlooked aspect of parenting and failure of parents to model repentance to their children are devastating.  Just because you are a dad doesn't mean you are no longer a sinner and wont mess up.  Be honest about it, repent to you daughter when you sin against her and point her to the fact that you are a sinner saved by grace and you are reliant on Jesus everyday.  Model your relationship with Christ in real, practical ways and your daughter will run to her Heavenly Father because her earthly father, who she loves has been faithful to point her to Jesus!


Being a parent, like everything else is not about you, its all about Jesus!

5 Ways Dads Set Their Sons Up For Failure

I'm back in the blogging game!

Many of my posts will be on ministry specific stuff, focusing on youth ministry.  I have spent the last 7 years working in jr. high and high school ministry and will be sharing some of my expertise with you.  This next blog is dedicated to parents (mostly dad's) of high school boys and hopefully it will be beneficial!

5 Ways Dads Set Their Son's Up For Failure

over the past 3 years of full time ministry I have worked with many students from many different family backgrounds....some great, some not so great....I firmly believe that dad's play a huge role in shaping their sons lives and here are 5 things that dad can do which are detrimental to their son's love for Christ and walk with the Lord!


1. Be Disengaged 


Dad's, if you want your child to fail, its easy just disengage yourself from your family.  Come home from work, read the paper, watch TV, and go to bed.  Don't ask your son how his day went, don't ask him what his concerns or fears are "he's a man, he'll figure it out", under no circumstance talk about girls, and let your wife and the church handle his walk with Christ.  Sounds like a great plan!


2. Don't Love Your Wife Well

Nobody has more of an influence on how your son views marriage and women than you do.  Are you modeling what it looks like to be a Godly husband?  Do you love your wife with the same love that Christ has for the church?  Are you kind in how you talk to her?  Do you let her know of her beauty and value.  Your sons will definitely pick up on this behavior and will shape their view of women, sex, and marraige.

3. Focus On Output, Not Input

If you want to guarantee that your son will resent you, devote all of your attention to what they do rather than how they are doing!  Relive your glory years through their athletics, let them know your love is conditional on their GPA, make them earn your love.  Don't study God's word with them, don't pray with them, don't model Christ's unconditional love, and you can guarantee failure for your son!

4. Allow Them Uncensored Internet Access In Their Bedroom

Pornography is not an issue, it is THE issue.  And if you allow your high school son to have uncensored internet access you are handing him a lifelong pornography issue that will devour him, destroy his marriage, rob him of joy, and keep him in chains for the rest of his life!  And it's sad that I have to address this issue, I have counseled dozens of young men struggling with pornography and all had private access to internet...bad idea! 

(Note: http://www.internetsafety.com/ is the best product on the market for internet blocking and accountability and is worth the price of the subscription)

"Pornography is not an issue, it is THE issue."

5. Don't Model Genuine Repentance

I believe that this is the single most overlooked aspect of parenting that is toxic to both high school guys and girls relationships to their parents.  Do you model genuine repentance to your children?  Do you apologize and ask for their forgiveness when you sin against them?  Or does your pride cause you to have the attitude of "I am the adult, deal with it"?  Do you explain to your son that you are a sinner in need of a savior and you are reliant of God's grace in your life?  Or are you the functional god of your home, ruling with an iron fist, without grace and repentance?

If you want your sons to understand and embrace Jesus Christ, show them how!  Model a sincere and genuine love for Jesus and help them on their walk, don't make them see Jesus despite you.

"soft words create hard people and hard words create soft people" - James Macdonald

Pastor Cal